Perfectly Lonely
by wordsaremyescape
Summary: The usually guarded Temperance Brennan has laid it all out there in a rare moment of weakness. She missed her chance. She would have to accept that. Being alone was safer anyway. But then, what was this pain, and how does one make it stop? NEW PENNAME


**A/N: I don't know but something about last night's episode brought this to mind and it wouldn't let go. We'll see where this goes. It's been a while since I've written with these characters so I'm still getting into the swing of things. Let me know what you think.**

**Disclaimer: Fox owns all rights to Bones. I just own the plot.**

_The last thing I want to do is hurt you_. As the rain pelted around her, the rejection Booth gave her kept spinning circles in her head. As much as the agent didn't want to hurt her, something in her normally shutdown heart gave way. For what felt like the first time, the logical doctor was anything but scientific. Sitting there, in the passenger seat, Temperance let the emotions consume her.

Along with the jumble of hurt, confusion, and sadness came the overwhelming regret. If she hadn't been so determined to go to Maluku, Booth wouldn't have accepted being drafted back into Afghanistan. If Brennan just kept things the way they were, he would have never met Hannah. Even just thinking of the woman put a knot in her stomach. Even as the tears fell, she fought off the twist with her familiar logic. _Feelings like this are anthropologically impossible. Science cannot prove that any of this is real. Without science, there is no proof of existence._

_You missed your chance Temperance. There is no going back now_ echoed through her thoughts. Yes, she had. Her unwillingness to believe in anything beyond science took her once chance to feel any kind of emotion towards the FBI agent. It took her being away, seven months of separation, for her to finally realize what she went looking for. The dig was exciting, an opportunity to go back into the roots of her passion, but having Daisy Wick as company was no comparison. It helped that Ms. Wick wouldn't stop talking, even if her life depended on it.

"I'm sorry, Bones," he said, reminding her again how much she appreciated him. Hearing the familiar nickname allowed her to smile through the tears. It wasn't enough for full blown happiness (another thing that she had to see through science to actually believe was possible) but it gave her something.

"There's no need to be sorry, Booth," she replied, trying to hide any hint of the fact that she'd let herself become illogical. "You're with Hannah now. You're satisfied with her. I waited too long and let the opportunity pass me by. Over time I will find someone who leaves me just as satisfied as Ms. Burley does you."

"That doesn't excuse the fact that I hurt you, Bones." When she turned to face him, he could see tear stains following the curve of her cheeks. Despite the fact that he was with another woman, seeing the pain in his partner's eyes stabbed him somewhere deep inside. Her turning down of a get together just before they parted ways was nothing like what he felt now. Knowing that he'd hurt his partner turned best friend and closest companion, was something completely new to him. He knew how guarded she was with her willingness to feel. Tonight, she broke all barriers, and for the first time, Agent Booth saw the always well composed scientist breakdown. That was something he wished he'd never seen. The fact that he put them there only made it worse.

"Whether it hurt me or not, Booth, you can't change what has happened. I'll be over it soon enough," she said wiping her eyes discreetly. "What I'm experiencing isn't real. The universe is still a jumble. I'll just go home and by tomorrow we'll be back at work. We can go on as if this never happened."

"Are you sure you don't want someone to stay with you? I could call Angela; have her talk to you or somethin'."

"No," she said flatly. If Angela were to be involved, she would want Brennan to talk through her emotions. She would have to go about feeling the stabbing pain all over again. The best thing for her to do was block it out. That's what she'd always done. Block it out and leave any emotional attachment out of the equation.

"I love her, Bones. I'm sorry that my finding someone is hurting you. That's the last thing I want. She makes me happy," he whispered.

"If you're happy, Booth then, I'm happy for you. If you really care for her as deeply as you say you do, then I'm not going to be one to stop you. Tonight was just a fluke. This was just a miscalculation. By tomorrow, everything will be fine." Seeley doubted any of that was true but nodded regardless. It was late. If they wanted to fight about it, they could do that in the morning when both were able to get enough sleep to think properly. As it was, Brennan would just continue to confuse him with scientific terms, denying everything. He let his eyes wonder to his partner one last time before he turned into the familiar driveway. Before he could even turn the engine off, Temperance had her hand on the door, looking for escape.

"Let me walk you. It's pouring out there," Booth suggested. Without a word, she just shook her head. If she allowed anymore than this, her uncharacteristic behavior would lead to something. The anthropologist's out of body experience made things strange enough. Knowing Booth, if he walked her up to her apartment he would protectively put his hand lightly on the small of her back, as was his custom. Brennan eventually learned to let it go, at some point finding some kind of comfort in the subtle gesture. Given the situation, it could and would lead to an outcome that was likely to blow up in both of their faces. It was true that at the moment, Temperance wasn't exactly herself at the moment. That in itself made it so she couldn't exactly trust her motives. Booth was happy. She wasn't going to be the one to ruin that.

"Temperance, it's raining cats and dogs out here," he called over the pouring rain.

"Booth, I see no animals falling from the sky. That in itself is anthropologically impossible, given that they are land creatures and with the exception of birds, would never be seen in the sky." He knew this side of her. She was crawling back into herself, that small window of emotion, slammed shut by her logical reasoning. Even though he knew he shouldn't have, Booth found himself smiling. Temperance Brennan was a truly unique breed of human. Her thoughts were completely different from any woman he had ever met in his entire life. She was the first one to ever allow him to think on a completely different wavelength. Sure, she wasn't totally in tune with pop culture, or catch phrases of her own time, but he'd learned to look past that.

Looking at her now, he was reminded of all those nights when he couldn't get her out of his head. Out on the field he was focused, determined to do his job. Late at night though, he lay alone with his thoughts. Most if not all of them, somehow connected themselves to thoughts of the "bone doctor" as her son called her.

After he saved the blond he now called his girlfriend, something changed. He saw her as an opportunity to forget, wipe his mind clean of the woman who consumed his every thought. That's how it started, anyway. Now he could truly see himself committed to Hannah. She and Parker didn't see eye to eye to begin with, but he could see room for improvement. The ringing of his cell phone intruded on his inner thoughts. Not able to tear his eyes from Brennan, he ignored it.

"You should probably get that," she pointed out. "It could be important." Almost automatically and without thinking, Booth nodded, taking out his phone to look at the caller ID. _Hannah _it read. "Take the call, Booth. I need to get out of the rain. I'll see you at work tomorrow." Before he could even say anything, Brennan was gone, out of earshot. Any ideas to follow her, like protective instinct suggested, would be wasted. Or was it? Looking at the name one last time, he continued to let it ring.

He knew she'd argue with him about it later, claiming that she was perfectly fine on her own. Her stubborn nature was too familiar. Even so, Booth found himself stepping out of the car and into the pouring rain. Brennan was nowhere in sight by now, but he knew where she would be. He'd been there far too many times to forget where she lived. The alert of a voicemail told him that Hannah had left him a message. He would get to it later.

Reaching the familiar apartment, he found it locked. He sighed, ready to turn back in defeat when he remembered the spare key. Just a few weeks back, she'd given him one. Something about needing a set of files from home and not being able to leave. He was sent on assignment to retrieve them and, for some reason never gave them back. He'd honestly forgotten that he still had them up until this point. Quietly, he inserted the key, careful not to disturb her or give way to the fact that he had followed her.

Stepping inside, he heard the muffled sound of running water. Making the way to the kitchen, he helped himself to a glass of water before settling on the couch. He rolled his eyes when he saw that still; she had no TV, the stacks of old cds reminding him of their little concert just a few years ago. That brought to mind, the explosion that put him in the hospital. His fighting the system to rescue her was just one more reminder of how much they'd been through. A memory that told him just how much he'd put himself through, for her. A reminder of how much they'd been through as a team. Whether she wanted it or not, he'd be here for her, just like he always had been. He had to make it right somehow. If he was the one to hurt her, he had to fix it.

Booth wasn't going to allow her to crawl back into herself. He wasn't going to let her become the analytic brainiac he met six years ago. She'd come too far for that. There was no undoing the emotional damage he'd done, that much he knew. At the same time, he couldn't let her ride this alone. Being the one to hurt her made him realize that he just might make things worse.

Sitting in the quiet apartment though, he was reminded of just how much he meant to her. He cared for Hannah, for sure. Working the field together, seeing each other everyday, the two of them bringing down criminals. That brought out a different kind of commitment. The fact that whether or not it was simply work related or something more was a concept he struggled with in the last seven months and given what he'd seen tonight, it still wasn't over. Did his feelings really go beyond the Jeffersonian? If so, what did that mean for him and the woman he currently called his girlfriend? His contemplation was interrupted by a familiar pensive tone.

"Booth, what are you doing here?"


End file.
